Erza Tells a Story
by insanemonkeyboy
Summary: It's Fairy Tail's annual camping trip, and everyone gathers around to get Erza to tell them a story. But the story ends up a little... different... from what they're used to. Rated T for suggestive language and humor.


**Just a little crack one shot that came to me today. Thought I'd put it down and let anyone who's interested read it...

I don't own Fairy Tail or the characters. They all belong to Mashima**

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"Come on Erza, read us a story!"

This rather odd request came from Gray Fullbuster, an ice mage who was currently dressed in nothing but a pair of black boxers. Again.

"Gray your clothes." Cana Alberona had been reminding Gray his clothes were missing since they were young. It was, Erza thought, one of her better qualities. There were few things so indecent as traipsing around town in one's underwear, after all.

"Why do you want Erza to tell you a story?" The blonde questioning Gray's choice was Lucy, a fairly recent addition to the guild compared to the others there. In fact, of those present, only Wendy, Gajeel, and Juvia had come to Fairy Tail more recently than Lucy, and then not by much. "I'm the author here after all. Shouldn't I tell the story?"

"Erza's always told us a story on these types of trips. It's tradition!" Gray responded with a grin.

Erza couldn't deny the truth of that statement. Though, of course, the last time she'd actually had occasion to tell them such a story was when they were still fairly young. Still, she felt a swell of pride at the fact that she would still be chosen for this role. None of the others objected. Mirajane, Lisanna, Elfman, Natsu, Levy, and other less relevant characters all remained silent, waiting for Erza to begin.

"Very well." Erza pulled out an old book of Fairy Tales and began thumbing through it. Finally she found the story she wanted to read. "The story I want to read to you tonight is 'Lady Christine and the Dragon.'"

"Umm, isn't that supposed to be Sir Christopher and the dragon?"

Erza's ears registered the identity of the would-be story usurper even before her eyes found the blonde-haired mage, and she fixed her with a look of stern rebuke. "I happen to prefer Lady Christine. Are you finding fault with my story telling?"

"N-no!" Lucy squeaked, instantly retreating.

Erza nodded, satisfied that the blonde would no longer interrupt the masterpiece. "Very well, let me continue. Once upon a time, in a land far away, lived a brave knight named Lady Christine. She was not a normal knight, for unlike most, she travelled the land in search of valorous deeds, putting down evil wherever her blade should find it.

One day, Lady Christine came across a village she had never seen, nor even heard of, before. The village was far from even the most remote civilized town hitherto known, and the people seemed to live in a constant state of fear. Naturally, the brave knight wondered what vile creature might be the source of their fear, and undertook to find out.

The villagers at first seemed to avoid her, but this of course only made her determined to find out what was wrong. With stern gaze and gauntleted hand, she finally pulled the truth from a reluctant maiden—"

"Umm, didn't Sir Christopher – er, lady Christine – win a fair maiden's heart, thus learning…" Lucy gulped audibly, her question trailing off as Erza's glare was focused on her yet again.

"As I was saying, the maiden told Lady Christine of a fearsome, fire breathing dragon that terrorized the village. Of course, Lady Christine did the only thing such a noble knight could do. She swore on her honor that she would vanquish the villainous varlet, and rode off in pursuit of the creature.

However, after a long day of searching, Lady Christine's efforts proved fruitless. She sighed, laying back her head on the root of the tree under which she had chosen to sleep, wondering how such a mighty creature could keep itself so scarce. But the dragon was soon revealed. For behold, he appeared suddenly before her, fire seeping from his mouth and smoke from his nostrils as she beheld him.

'Oh mighty dragon, please eat me out!' She cried, staring into its black eyes—"

"Umm, wasn't it, "please don't eat me?"" Erza stared at Lucy, who was interrupting her yet again.

"That's what I said," she said placidly. "Now, let us continue…"

"Pleading will do you no good. I will eat you out, but first we must do something about those clothes."

"Somehow this story is more perverted than I remember it," Gray commented to Cana, who was snickering into her barrel. Erza fixed her glare on him, and he froze, retreating from it and shivering. When she was satisfied that he had learned he was not to interrupt again, Erza continued with the story.

"Then dragon fire consumed her, but to her surprise it did not burn her flesh. However, her surprise was greater, and her embarrassment also, when she realized that her clothes were now completely burnt off. As the dragon advanced, she did the only thing she could think of at the moment. She initiated the battle.

She then impaled herself on the dragon's sword—"

"Um, didn't she impale the dragon with her sword?" Lucy asked as Cana snickered again.

"That's what I said," Erza said, staring at the blonde again. "Then—"

"How big was it?" This time it was Elfman

"What?" Erza snapped.

"The sword! It must have been a very manly sword to impale a dragon!"

"Oh, it was huge. At least 12 inches," Erza replied, a small blush creeping to her face.

"12 inches? That barely qualifies as a dagger!" Gray said in surprise.

"Shut up and let me tell the story!" Erza yelled.

Silence. Finally. She continued. "The knight rode the dragon into the early hours of the morning—"

"Fought," Lucy said. "She fought the dragon into the early hours of the morning."

"As I said…" Erza reminded her again. "Their struggle was loud, echoing through the forests with such groans that they could be heard clear in the town."

"I bet they could," this came from a snickering Cana, and more than one in the audience laughed.

"I give up," Lucy said, sighing in resignation.

"But finally, when the morning came, the knight lay vanquished in the forest."

"Dragon lay vanquished…" Lucy corrected.

Erza just shot her another glare, not needing to say a word. "Exhausted from her encounter, the brave knight then took a well-deserved rest. Her dreams that night brought her back to her encounter with the dragon, and she wondered if she should ever meet him again."

"The dragon's dead," Lucy said. "How is she going to meet him again?"

"When she awoke," Erza ignored Lucy, "She went to the town to tell them that the dragon would trouble them no more. Though at first her legs gave her a little trouble about walking. Because of this, she stayed a couple days in the village to heal. The villagers were all very thankful that the dragon was no longer a problem for them, and showered her with gifts."

"When the morning of the third day, Lady Christine rode off through the forest toward the uncharted area beyond. Three days she traveled, for the forest was the largest in the land of Fiore, but eventually she came to the sea beyond. On the shore of the sea she turned back, her scarlet hair flowing in the ocean breeze. For the first time, her heart was torn. Should she continue on her journey to the ocean, or return to the forest in hopes of encountering the dragon again?"

"The end."

There was silence as Erza looked around. People didn't seem to react at all like she wanted them to. Carla was covering Wendy's ears. Lucy and Levy seemed to be blushing slightly, while Cana was snickering again. Gray looked a little disappointed, and it was he that spoke first.

"That story wasn't at all like I remembered it. I thought the knight kicked some dragon ass, partied it up with the villagers, and rode off onto her next quest."

"Well, some stories change with time," Erza replied. "I wanted to make it a little more interesting."

"Oh, it was interesting alright," Cana smirked.

Erza looked around, noticing with a frown that a certain pink haired dragon slayer was absent. She was about to comment, when Mirajane appeared, a wide smile on her face as she smoothed out her skirt and her hair.

"What are you so happy about?" She asked suspiciously.

"Hmmm… It really is 12 inches," Mirajane hummed.

"What is?" Lucy asked, blinking at Mira.

"The dragon's sword," Mira hummed, twirling a hair around her finger.

Erza immediately felt anger growing inside her. "12 inches barely qualifies as a dagger," she said, glaring at the white haired beauty as she quoted Gray.

"It was enough to make me bleed," the other girl responded, not missing a beat.

"You care to repeat that demon?" Erza asked, her eyes blazing. Just then she saw Cana heading out of the fire circle. "Where do you think you're going?!"

"I'm gonna' see this legendary dragon's sword," Cana replied.

"How are you going to do that?" Gray asked, sounding confused. "It's just a Fairy Tale."

"I'll get him to show it to me, of course," Cana said.

"Oh no you won't!" Both Mira and Erza said.

A few minutes later, Natsu came back to a good old fashioned Fairy Tail Brawl, and of course jumped right in.

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So there it is. What do you think? Should I do more one shots like this? Let me know :P


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